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Patrick Keeffe

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I just want to scream.

Wed Feb 25, 2009, 6:20 AM

Ok. so lately, My P.A.N.D.A.S has been acting up, and so has my Seasonal Affective Disorder. First of all, P.A.N.D.A.S stands for

P ediatric
A uto-immune
N eurological
D isorder
A ssociated with
S treptococcus

What this all means is that I have been utterly out of control of my emotions, I've been very paranoid (and being afraid of things that I shouldn't be afraid of, at least I don't think) huge amounts of anxiety, shaky, nervous, and an emotional wreck. I've had one panic attack so far, and two times that were very close. I hate it. i absolutely HATE IT!!!!! I've also been really on edge, and very little things will get me really mad (yet another affect of my P.A.N.D.A.S)
I had blood work done a week ago tomorrow, to figure out what medication i need to be on to stop this, and it still hasn't come back. I'm very afraid of this. I can't help it. I want this to STOP!!

And to top it all off, I snapped at one of the people I love the most in the world over something stupid, and i regret it with every fiber of my being. Im sorry.

I can't take this anymore, im so sick of this...My heart is racing, i cant stop being afraid of my nightmares coming true. I just want this to end.

I just really want to scream my lungs out right now.

21 Comments

Mood: Fear
Listening to: My own screams of pain and fear in my head
Reading: Too much into my fears, I hate this
Watching: The fear take hold
Playing: With my emotions
Eating: Nothing
Drinking: Nothing.

Devious Comments

~~love 0 0~~

~~joy 0 0~~

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

sad 1 1

fear 1 1

~~neutral 0 0~~

~AkariOgata Feb 25, 2009, 6:37:27 AM

Scared of things you shouldn't be scared of, you say?

Welcome to my pleasant little world.

._.

--
^{If you never stop
When you wave goodbye
You just might find
If you give it time
You'll wave hello again.}

~mangakasami Feb 25, 2009, 7:11:12 AM

i love you dori XD

--
not another comment by sami! D:

the power to make mistake and move forward!
:3

~mangakasami Feb 25, 2009, 7:12:06 AM

then screem.
really
we'll get through this
i'm gonna spend my sick days looking up anti-anxity stuff fot you

--
not another comment by sami! D:

the power to make mistake and move forward!
:3

~AkariOgata Feb 25, 2009, 7:38:59 AM

lol I love you too, Sami.
xD

--
^{If you never stop
When you wave goodbye
You just might find
If you give it time
You'll wave hello again.}

~AkariOgata Feb 25, 2009, 7:40:41 AM

That other comment wasn't meant to be rude by the way >.<

Hope you didn't take it the wrong way! I do understand what it's like ;~;

--
^{If you never stop
When you wave goodbye
You just might find
If you give it time
You'll wave hello again.}

~manamix Feb 25, 2009, 3:11:32 PM

im sorry pat

panic attacks suck, but remember if u ever need to talk, im here!

--
I tend to draw signs of infinity on your back
Solely with my fingers, ignoring their size,
And how the nails are gnawed to nubs.
Let's not get started on the temperature.